Rambling - that's what I do.

OK...so I am going to ramble about a few things here...stick around if you want to....I make no apologies for anything I say....lol.



I have been pushed...literally...physically and emotionally to my brink. I have never let someone get the best of me like he has....and I won't ever again. I am very reluctant to open my heart...to be honest, I don't know if there is a heart left.

I would like to say that I am completely positive about my life at this point. I have many wonderful friends who with their support and love have helped me through the past few months of hurt and pain. My girlfriends have been the same "rock solid" group that I have always imagined they would be. They have been there when I downed a bottle of cheap wine, they have been there to listen to me cry into the phone - no words, just crying...listening to someone cry for an hour on the phone is no easy task, mind you. These girls - I am so blessed.

However, my guy friends have made me realize something too....maybe I am selling myself a little short. I was told recently to "raise the bar". I took that with a grain of salt at first - sure whatever - I thought....he has no clue what he is talking about. I have now come to realize that - you know what - I need to do just that. I need to do that with every aspect of my life. Thanks - you know who you are.

Moving on - Summer is upon us. Memorial Day weekend flew by in a flash. We spent it with the Reeds in Alvin. Emmeline had a blast hanging out with Bryce and Ethan was happy just to be in the water. My babies are water babies for sure....anytime they can be in it, near it, they are just the happiest children on the planet. I am hoping that summer will give me more opportunity to focus on the children. I am going to plan a weekend away for just us....no one else, no phone, no email...just us.

It will be a journey for us this summer....Emmeline needs to take drivers ed (scary), we will move once the apartment is ready, Ethan will be going off to daycare - no family...real daycare. This terrifies me...but he is such a trooper and I know he will LOVE being around kids his age. I can't wait to see the world open up for him. The journey this summer will include a journey of healing for me. I have alot to work on...my home life, my career, ME! I want to be a better mother, better friend, better person. I need to strengthen my faith in the Lord and I need to work on having more faith in myself.

My dear Adrienne is moving to Dallas. I love her and my niece Jorja. I will miss them dearly but am glad that she has found Brian to love her, to love Jorja and to love the new baby to come. Adrienne - conquer the world sister! There is SO much beyond the horizon, so many life experiences, so many good times to come. So - Brian- watch over my precious babies. Hold them close to your heart - love them with no boundaries! I love you all - AJ too - and will be in Dallas to see you guys!!

My job is crazy busy and I just cannot seem to focus these days. My annual review is coming up and I am scared to see what it will bring. I have worked my butt off in the past year...I know that. Now I need someone around here to see it...to acknowledge it. I have learned alot about this industry, but I need to learn more. I know that....we shall see what happens.

A girl in my office is having plastic surgery...soon...and I am jealous. Yes, I plan on having mine done at the end of the year BUT as days pass I continue to think about the implications the surgery will bring. Am I healthy enough to do this? With the whole blood clot fiasco - I just don't know. The doctor said I will be fine, but I am closer to adopting the "love it or leave it" policy. Being alone - who would take care of my kids if something happened to me?? Vain - a little - I will admit that, but forsaking my health is a whole other thing for me.

The moving is done - I am so proud of my kids...and that refers to Emmeline and Jake (her boyfriend). They worked tirelessly (albeit a little teenage girl whining courtesy of Miss Em - poor girl, right?) and we got it knocked out. Jake says packing a storage unit is like playing tetris - he is right. He got everything in. I suck at tetris therefore...thank God for Jake!!



Moving on - again.....I have seriously decided that it is time to get moving with this diet. I am about 45lbs. from my goal...I have placed the blame on the stressors going on in my life, on the timing being off, on everything except the real place it should be - on me. I am just plain lazy...good grief. So I am on a mission - from this point out I have go to get on the ball, back to eating well and working out. Let me just inform you that I HATE to go to the gym. First of all, I am ADHD and get so side tracked from people watching...I could sit there all day and watch people at the gym...they fascinate me. I am not ashamed to admit this....first step to recovery, right? What doesn't fascinate me is the equipment...or the trainers who think that they can whip me through this battleground they call a gym. I need to remember that just 3 short years ago I was doing a step class 5 days a week...and loving it. Soooo needless to say, it is very possible for me to get back to this level. I just need to make the decision that that is what I am going to do.

OK - enough. I am telling myself to shut up for now....but I will be back....lol!