It's me...and I have alot to say :)

Holy Crap is right! I have completely neglected this task - which really is such a great outlet for me....so it is such a delight to get back here and just write. I have so much to be thankful for at this point in my life. I am surrounded by so many wonderful people that add so much to my life and that of my children. I pray for these people - pray that life is good to them...pray that they want for nothing and have love and happiness in their hearts.

1. My mom - who, although can drive me crazy, and not just "drive" but HOV lane on the freeway kind of crazy, has been there through it all. She is my travel agent for guilt trips. Although she doesn't always say things with the utmost tact, she means well.

2. Emmeline - who (see HOV comment above) drives me to drink, but is my foundation somedays. I pray that life will turn out well for her. With all her shananigans, I am still reminded that she needs me...sometimes more than she realizes and more than her 2 year old sibling needs me (even though she will never admit that). Her heart is so big and she has enough love for a universe, but she lacks the trust that she needs to see in herself. I pray for that for her.

3. Ethan - who is my shining star - my ray of light. For so many years, the thought of having a son eluded me. He is a sweet spirit with a playful personality and every time I look at him, I see the wonderful future he has ahead of him. His smile, those eyes - brings joy to my heart.

4. Pam and Cindy - you are...how to do I cover it?? Thank you for being the Nene and Nana that you guys are...for Ethan and Em. Thank you for checking on us and making sure that I get the breaks that I need sometimes. Pam - thanks for always listening to me cry and gripe about your son...when really you should not, but you do... and offering me the advice that I need to hear.

5. Jeanette - dude?? Where do I start? In highschool we were friends and this recent connection again - it reassures me that there are true friends out there. Thanks!

6. Jennifer - through the ups and downs...through the tears and the laughter - you are the sister that I never had. Thank you my dear friend.

7. BDS - this could take forever...in such a short time. Simply thank you for making me smile, laugh, cry and most of THINK... about who I am, who I can be, what I have to offer and how special I am. You always encourage me onto the next level of success. You are truly that life long friend that I know will always be a part of my life in one form or another... you are a wonderul person (and silent investor) that has made this time in my life less confusing, less stressful, more fun and more fulfilling. I will never be able to repay your kindness.

8. My girlfriends - the ones I see often and the ones that I do not - their text messages or FB comments, their quick emails, their short phone calls... I am thankful for you all...Lisa, Felicia, Rhonda, Stacey, Fran, Heather, Tara, Michelle

9. Jason & Tara - we have been friends since college and when I call, you both have the most wonderful advice...clear and concise. Thank you for always being honest with me and giving me the pros and cons when I need to hear them, even though I may not want to. I am so happy that you both have wonderful people in your lives to share your love with... you deserve all the happiness that life has to offer.

10. Clarissa - thank you for the opportunity with Pure Romance. I have come to realize that I can do this and I will succeed. You are a great example and wonderful team leader!!

So, I will have to get back here before too long...with the holidays kicking in it is going to be more difficult, but I have to make time...and will. Love and happiness to everyone...hugs!!

Rambling - that's what I do.

OK...so I am going to ramble about a few things here...stick around if you want to....I make no apologies for anything I say....lol.



I have been pushed...literally...physically and emotionally to my brink. I have never let someone get the best of me like he has....and I won't ever again. I am very reluctant to open my heart...to be honest, I don't know if there is a heart left.

I would like to say that I am completely positive about my life at this point. I have many wonderful friends who with their support and love have helped me through the past few months of hurt and pain. My girlfriends have been the same "rock solid" group that I have always imagined they would be. They have been there when I downed a bottle of cheap wine, they have been there to listen to me cry into the phone - no words, just crying...listening to someone cry for an hour on the phone is no easy task, mind you. These girls - I am so blessed.

However, my guy friends have made me realize something too....maybe I am selling myself a little short. I was told recently to "raise the bar". I took that with a grain of salt at first - sure whatever - I thought....he has no clue what he is talking about. I have now come to realize that - you know what - I need to do just that. I need to do that with every aspect of my life. Thanks - you know who you are.

Moving on - Summer is upon us. Memorial Day weekend flew by in a flash. We spent it with the Reeds in Alvin. Emmeline had a blast hanging out with Bryce and Ethan was happy just to be in the water. My babies are water babies for sure....anytime they can be in it, near it, they are just the happiest children on the planet. I am hoping that summer will give me more opportunity to focus on the children. I am going to plan a weekend away for just us....no one else, no phone, no email...just us.

It will be a journey for us this summer....Emmeline needs to take drivers ed (scary), we will move once the apartment is ready, Ethan will be going off to daycare - no family...real daycare. This terrifies me...but he is such a trooper and I know he will LOVE being around kids his age. I can't wait to see the world open up for him. The journey this summer will include a journey of healing for me. I have alot to work on...my home life, my career, ME! I want to be a better mother, better friend, better person. I need to strengthen my faith in the Lord and I need to work on having more faith in myself.

My dear Adrienne is moving to Dallas. I love her and my niece Jorja. I will miss them dearly but am glad that she has found Brian to love her, to love Jorja and to love the new baby to come. Adrienne - conquer the world sister! There is SO much beyond the horizon, so many life experiences, so many good times to come. So - Brian- watch over my precious babies. Hold them close to your heart - love them with no boundaries! I love you all - AJ too - and will be in Dallas to see you guys!!

My job is crazy busy and I just cannot seem to focus these days. My annual review is coming up and I am scared to see what it will bring. I have worked my butt off in the past year...I know that. Now I need someone around here to see it...to acknowledge it. I have learned alot about this industry, but I need to learn more. I know that....we shall see what happens.

A girl in my office is having plastic surgery...soon...and I am jealous. Yes, I plan on having mine done at the end of the year BUT as days pass I continue to think about the implications the surgery will bring. Am I healthy enough to do this? With the whole blood clot fiasco - I just don't know. The doctor said I will be fine, but I am closer to adopting the "love it or leave it" policy. Being alone - who would take care of my kids if something happened to me?? Vain - a little - I will admit that, but forsaking my health is a whole other thing for me.

The moving is done - I am so proud of my kids...and that refers to Emmeline and Jake (her boyfriend). They worked tirelessly (albeit a little teenage girl whining courtesy of Miss Em - poor girl, right?) and we got it knocked out. Jake says packing a storage unit is like playing tetris - he is right. He got everything in. I suck at tetris therefore...thank God for Jake!!



Moving on - again.....I have seriously decided that it is time to get moving with this diet. I am about 45lbs. from my goal...I have placed the blame on the stressors going on in my life, on the timing being off, on everything except the real place it should be - on me. I am just plain lazy...good grief. So I am on a mission - from this point out I have go to get on the ball, back to eating well and working out. Let me just inform you that I HATE to go to the gym. First of all, I am ADHD and get so side tracked from people watching...I could sit there all day and watch people at the gym...they fascinate me. I am not ashamed to admit this....first step to recovery, right? What doesn't fascinate me is the equipment...or the trainers who think that they can whip me through this battleground they call a gym. I need to remember that just 3 short years ago I was doing a step class 5 days a week...and loving it. Soooo needless to say, it is very possible for me to get back to this level. I just need to make the decision that that is what I am going to do.

OK - enough. I am telling myself to shut up for now....but I will be back....lol!

Looking

It seems that whenever I turn around these days, I am looking for something...in search of this, in search of that. I have been told alot lately to relax and enjoy. It may just be time for that.

I cannot believe that I have not taken the time to write about my life. It has been busy the past couple of months. Rodeo season kept me busy and I spent alot of time hanging out with friends this year. This year was really the first time that I enjoyed the benfits of being a volunteer. I met alot of new people and really opened the door to having a social life with people my age. I must say, it was refreshing after so many years. I made Assistant Captain for the next rodeo season and I am really looking forward to taking on the challenges of that role and all that it will entail.

We celebrated Ethan's 2nd birthday. I fall more and more in love with him everyday. He is such a joy and blessing to me. I love quiet moments to sit and just watch him play. His vocabulary is expanding by leaps and bounds...I walked in a couple of weeks ago and he said, "what's up mom?" Shut up, right? I about fell over. I miss him so much during the day when I am at work, but when I come home, his sweet, sweet face brings me back...to a place where my heart is filled with happiness and joy...all given to me by my son.

Emmeline is doing ok in school, but I wish I could say that she had the love for school that I did (nerd alert). She hates it...everything about it...not one thing is enjoyable...except for maybe lunch. I am at such a loss as what to say to her about school. She took her own little mini vacation last week...missed 2 days of school - to relax, catch up on sleep, I guess...all of this unbeknownst to her mother. So what do I do? Scream at her? The child has the ability to tune out people better than anyone I know, myself included. Ground her? Nothing phases the girl....NOTHING. God knows I love her...more that I could describe, more than she will ever know, but if I could send her off to a convent, I would in a heartbeat.

We are moving in the next couple of weeks and where we are going is a mystery to me. I think we are going to stay with my mom for a month or so while Em finishes up school. I feel that Kingwood is the best place for Em, but I have so much holding me here in Sugar Land - my job, my friends, my life - there are so many reasons to stay - and so many reasons to go. It is time to re-evaluate my life and decide where my heart will lead me - or better, where I will allow it to lead me.

My heart is in a stage of mending and healing. I have so much hope for the future, but am so worried about the challenges that lay ahead for me. I saw a sign the other day that said "A life without love is no life at all"....so what happens to the person that doesn't believe in love? What happens when I will not allow my heart to be broken? What happens when those walls I put up are invincible? These questions plague me - in my moments alone, in the moments when I see another couple and their happiness is blatantly obvious, in the moments when I think "Hmmm, he is interesting".

That fear is overwhelming for me - the thought of having no one to fall back on, having no one to catch me, having no one to see that I am - above all - a girl...with a heart that is worn on my sleeve, a soul that needs to touched, a hand that needs to be held.

So, I will stop today - stop looking for whatever it may be that I think I am looking for...it will find me - in time. I will stop looking for this and that...whatever this and that may be. It is what it is and it will come in time.

I am so tired...

I know there are so many women that handle more than myself, more women that have more responsibilities, more children, more, more, more. BUT - I am tired. I find myself with very little patience these days.

The girl at Taco Bell pissed me off so badly, I about jumped through my car window and choked her. How many times do you need to say "easy on the sour cream and no cheese"??? This is not difficult. Let me rephrase that...this is not difficult for any human being with a shred of common sense!?!

The lady at Dillards asked me "Are you ready to check out?"....NO, I am going to stand here with the clothes that I picked out and wait for them to go OUT of style - then I will pay for them. Yes - I am ready. I have been ready for 20 minutes while you walked around your small department asking 2 other women if they needed a dressing room, in which they tried on 30 articles of clothing and purchase NONE!

Off to the lingerie department where the saleswoman made me feel like I was Dolly Parton or something. Yes - I have lived with big boobs my whole life. I have never been a member of the Itty Bitty Titty Committee. Never have, never will. They are a part of me and I have come to accept that they are what they are - big boobs. She asked my size, I told her...the look! Her tone!! Let me say this - I am, by far not the largest girl I know so I was a little taken back when she made her comment. I know what Victoria's Secret is....she does not carry bras in my size...that is her secret...bitch.

Back to the salesgirl - Oh wow! she says. That must be tiring. She knows nothing about tact. I need not be reminded that my twins are large and slightly impending, but geez - did she need to sound like I was needing a bra made by the Army Corp of Engineers?? So needless to say after being harassed and having my self esteem kicked into the ground, I left...braless - figurtively speaking.

Anyway, just venting....I think I am off to take a nap....maybe that will help, but not expecting much.

Hhhmmmm...

It's funny how people think that money gives you class. It may give some people nice cars, nice homes and nice clothes, but money - by far - does not give you class. You can put a nice, shiny ribbon on crap, but in the end, it is still crap.

A friend told me recently that her boss donated large sums of money to many different organizations - specifically children's charities. However, he was out most nights of the week drinking while his kids were at home without him. He presented himself to be this outstanding man of honor, yet was carrying on various extramarital affairs.

I have noticed that a lot of people change when money comes into their lives - and it doesn't even have to be an overwhelming amount of money. It's funny how we change who we are, how we act and who our friends are because our financial status changes. A true friend is not someone who will ride in the limo with you, but will ride on the bus when the limo breaks down.

Just an observation....

Where have I been?

I cannot believe that I have let this get away from me. When I started blogging, I promised myself that I would stay on top of this...yeah, right! There is so much to update so we will move quickly. Try to keep up.

Nick is heading to Wyoming for his next project - Casper to be exact. He is expected to leave next week. I miss him so much when he is on the road. He has been home for a couple of months and it was nice to spend time with each other. He has been able to spend quality time with Ethan and that is the best part of it all. He celebrated his birthday at Vegas Grill down on Webster. It was nice to have friends and family together. This is how the evening started.

I would like to say that I had more pictures, but since I spent the early morning hours trying to prevent Nick from drowning in the bathtub that he passed out in and cleaning my new car out after he threw up in it - YES - you read that right, I can say that he is lucky that we have any photo memories of the evening.

Emmeline is busy with school and rugby. SHE ROCKS AT RUGBY! My daughter is a beast on the field! When they played St. Pius she was proud to show off her battle scars - a cut above her eye and an injured ankle. She is fabulous!

Ethan is....Ethan. He is a rubber stamp of Nick...from the super long eyelashes to "the look" he gives you when you try to discipline him for touching the remote (or the dvr or my chi or whatever the 2 year old finds amusing at the moment) for the one millionth time. However, he now thinks that when you catch him with the remote, he can run to you and say "tank you" before you can scold him. I am so not falling for the lashes and charming smile - that's what got me Ethan in the first place. Sucker!

As for me, I am busy with work and home. Rodeo is about to kick off and that puts me into a whole new level of busy - but one that I thoroughly enjoy. We attended my committee's kick-off dance last week. Two words - open bar. Enough said...I was nice enough to not get sick in the car and manage to undress myself and climb into my own bed after the festivities. Self control people...self control!

I got a new car and am so excited. I have a hemi. It sounds loud and a little angry, but I love it! I have been driving an SUV for so long, it has been nice to get behind the wheel of a sedan and zip through traffic. Not to mention, it exudes a whole new level of sexiness....rrrroooaarrr!

I am going to try to post weekly - that is my promise to myself for the next month. That should take me into Spring Break - crap...where does the year go? So, to everyone - Happy Valentine's Day - go out and show some love!!

It was a pretty calm Christmas this year. Being so busy with work and such, I found it difficult to get into the swing of things. There were no Christmas cards sent out his year, I stuffed gifts into bags and wrapped only when absolutely necessary, I didn't even cook at the house. Here's a small update.

Christmas week started with a huge surprise. My SIL Susan and her significant other, Matt got engaged. We were fortunate enough to be onhand as Matt popped the question in front of his family and ours. Matt is a very nice guy and I couldn't be happier for them. The future is very bright for them and I hope that their life together brings them a lifetime of happiness!

Tuesday evening we went to dinner at the Daigle's. Nick's friend Alan and his wife Becca were in town for the holidays and getting to see them was a nice treat for us both. Alan's parents hosted a small dinner party at their home for his friends. Since Alan and Becca live in North Carolina (Alan is based there; he serves in the Marines) it was great to see them during this busy time!

Christmas eve brought us to Nana and Nene's house. We enjoyed a nice dinner together...big thanks to my mother-in-law for cooking all day. We opened gifts early and spent the evening just catching up.

Christmas Day started with us opening gifts with Em and Ethan at the house. Our children are very fortunate. They have family that loves them very much and they truly want for nothing. Ethan got his Elmo Live...a huge hit and he looked fabulous in his Batman pjs with cape and all. Emmeline got the boots and purse that she wanted and a ton of gift cards (the most direct route to a teenage girl's heart, BTW).

Later, we headed to my mom's for lunch and opened gifts from her. As the years pass, I have come to realize how important my mother is in my life and that of my children. She is always there to listen to my gripes..sometimes she listens, sometimes she gives me her two cents which I wholeheartedly listen to, but don't always follow. She has been there for me when my world was shattered by betrayal and she has been there when I regained my footing and stood atop the world. She is one of my most treasured gifts.

The afternoon brought us to M.D. Anderson Cancer Center. Nick's grandfather, G-Pa, is there participating in a clinical trial for Acute Myelogenous Leukemia. He has been there about 3 weeks and was unable to come home for the holidays...so we all went to him. We painted signs that spelled out "Merry Christmas G-Pa" and "We love you" and stood on the street below his 10th story hospital room. Later we were able to go to his room to visit and since you have to completely gown up head to toe, shoe covers, gloves, hair covers, they only allow a couple of people in his room at at time. G-pa looks like he is getting better and he says he feels good, but I cannot imagine his loneliness in that room. We are praying that all goes well and we look forward to celebrating Christmas with him in the next few weeks when he comes home!!

I want to take time to wish everyone that has been a part of our lives in 2008 a prosperous and happy New Year. May 2009 be filled with good health and many great memories! Love to you all!! XOXOXO

Crap...the holiday season begins....

I can't believe that it has been almost a month since I have blogged. This is becoming more frequent as I struggle to find the time it takes to keep this going. BUT...I will. Someone told me yesterday, "I read your blog".

"Mine? Really? Oh, ok....thanks!" Never expected this person to say that and this was hardly the response I wanted to give, but thanks and I appreciate you letting me know!

I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving. There is alot to be thankful for this year. My kids are healthy and happy. G-pa has joined a clinical trial at M.D. Anderson and they are working miracles there everyday. We are employed, and with this economy, that is a blessing in anyone's book. We were able to spend Turkey day with family. I had a small lunch with mom at home and then we headed off to G-ma's and G-pa's to hang out with the rest of the family.



We are thankful for great grandbabies.


















We are thankful for silly faces.






















We are thankful for grandpas.























We are thankful for cellphones???





















We are thankful for playtime with Daddy.

















There are more things to be thankful for here

Welcome back!

It has been forever since I blogged about anything and I could not believe how time has flown. It has been well over a month since my last post and quite frankly, I thought that I might never find time to get back to this simple pleasure. So, here goes the update.

Emmeline is doing well in school and her freshman year is progressing nicely (with road bumps), but she is doing her best (she is still allergic to homework). Her birthday is coming up and she will be 15! Her Aunt Heather has taught her to drive...just the basics - forward and reverse- those are HUGE to the new driver. However, she will not be attending any driver ed classes anytime soon. She gets in as a passenger now and has to punch radio buttons wildly for the first 10 minutes of any car ride. I highly doubt that her attention span will allow her to safely operate a vehicle at this time or any time in the next few years.

Ethan is growing everyday and learning more and more words. You can decifer hi, bye, shoe, dog, ball. "Oh God" is another favorite of his and so is "Shut up" which he gets from me. I don't say it in a mean way, just as a statement of surprise. He has picked up on it though and it is very clear and audible when he says it in the middle of a crowd. I usually get the annoying looks from other mothers at this point. It is with these looks that I really want to teach him things like "What's up hooka" and although thoroughly amusing to me, it IS completely inappropriate.

Here they are at Halloween with my niece and nephew, Megan and Cameron. Kudos to my SIL Heather for the awesome skeleton costumes. That has to be the cutest spider and strawberry shortcake I have ever seen!

Nick is headed to Baltimore for his next project. We thought the Arizona job would be longer, but this offer in Maryland cannot be passed up...the opportunity is just too fantastic.

I just returned from a business trip last week to meet customers. Although I was sick for most of it, it turned out to be pretty enjoyable. I stopped in South Carolina and then on to Indiana and Ohio. It turned out that I happened to be in the middle of Amish country in Hicksville, Ohio. I thought that was only in Pennsylvania?? Anyway, it seems that we have all become dependent on Wal-Mart in one way or another. The local Wally World has amish parking - seriously. There was a small horse barn in the parking lot where a horse and buggy could be "parked" while you did your shopping. Incredible!

So all in all, we have been well and life has been chugging along. Before you know it Thanksgiving and Christmas will be upon us. The stores already have their holiday decorations up and there are wreaths and lights everywhere. So...until we blog again (that was dorky)...cheers!

Just to let you know...

I have not fallen off the planet. Since Hurricane Ike, we have been completely disconnected. The house has been over-flowing with family and their dogs. We were fortunate enough to be without electricity for only 14 hours....14 very long hours. My mom still does not have electricity and neither does my SIL in Kingwood or my MIL in Hitchcock.

I have enjoyed having the time with my family, but one of the dogs chewed up my favorite pair of bronze heels....loved those shoes, had a matching bag....oh the agony! If you know me, you know that I love my shoes. They can change your life...ask Cinderella!

I will update soon and add pictures of the damage in our neighborhood...love to you all. I hope everyone is safe and life is returning to normal or as normal as can be!

Watch out KHS...here she comes!

I am the mother of a freshman! I can hardly believe it! It seemed that just yesterday, my darling little girl was playing with her Barbie dolls...they were naked, but their hair was ALWAYS done to perfection (read on...this comment will explain itself).

Emmeline is staying with Aunt Heather and Uncle Brent until a house is ready which should be within the month. With Nick heading off to Arizona for work, moving by myself should be grand, but I am trying to get it together so we can be back in the same house. I miss her terribly and she has no idea what a great help she is to me. Em frequently steps up to the plate and helps with Ethan. She is an amazing young woman and within her I see so much potential. Certainly she has had her moments of teenage angst, but who doesn't at 14?

She called to tell me about her schedule. For those of you who are lucky enough to know Em, it will be no surprise that her elective is Intro to Cosmetology. Those Barbie Dolls had no idea that they were just the first steps in the deep, deep love that Em has developed for hair and make-up. I have never heard her so excited about a class EVER! You have no idea what it is like for me to hear that excitement. This comes from a mother who asks everyday, "What did you do in school today?" only to have the response be, "Nothing" EVERYDAY.

So, watch out KHS. You will never be the same...you have been given a gift...the gift of my daughter, the precious gift of her laughter, the precious gift of her unbelievable personality.

I love you, Em! May high school bring you new friends, new experiences and a lifetime of wonderful memories!

My 35th Birthday...

was AWESOME! I can honestly say that this was the best birthday I have ever had. I feel so overwhelmed that my family did so much for me this year. Emmeline made a cake by herself....utterly amazing. She worked so hard and I was so impressed!

Nick sent flowers to my work and then took us to dinner with my mom on Thursday (my actual birthday) to Miyako's. If you know me, you know I love this place. My mom got me a fabulous new purse...thanks mom...love it!!

On Saturday everyone got together for dinner at Rudi Lechner's. It was a first for most everyone in the family. This restaurant is truly one of a kind! If you love German/Austrian food or if you have never tried it, take the time for this place. You will not be disappointed!! Some pictures from dinner are here.

Between doing the chicken dance and stuffing our faces, I got to open presents. The Kellers added to my charm bracelet for me. My nephew picked out the cutest charm ever. Thanks CAM! You are such a sweetheart!!

Nick and the kids picked out birthday cards together for me. He even helped Ethan write his name....yeah, I know he cheated but it was way cute!! Nick had been very secretive about my gift and I truly had no idea what was in store for me. When I opened the card I was just shocked...floor tickets to MADONNA!!! Shut up!! So...come November 16th, Heather, Brent, Nick and myself will be rocking out to the Queen of Pop herself. I can't wait!!

On Sunday, we vegged out and went to the park. Ethan and Emmeline got to feed the ducks and play at the aquatic park. It is fun just watching them together.

Gifts, cake, cards, and flowers aside, this birthday was very meaningful to me. I got to spend it with family. Yes, we have our dysfunctions (who doesn't, right?), but we love with no end, we are protective of our own and we know that when the cards are down, there will always be someone there to catch you.

Thanks to everyone that made my birthday so special...I love you all!!

A cause for celebration...actually two!

So Dr. Conlon's (the oncologist) office called and my results came back...I am going to be fine!! Yippee!! I couldn't be more joyous about this news. I still have some issues with my blood clots, but everything and anything else they were looking for is all clear.

The last week has left me with a heavy heart wondering what would happen to my family if something were to happen to me, who would watch out for my kids, who would take care of Nick. I spent alot of time stressing and talking to family. It is quite surreal to tell your family members your wishes if the inevitable were to happen. I know that my family is my strength. They are a group of completely outstanding people. It is hard for me to remember that just a few short years ago these people were not family members. They have all truly opened their hearts to me and Emmeline. I have 2 great mothers-in-law, incredible sisters-in-law and remarkable brothers-in-law. I would never worry about my kids with them around.

I have family that would raise my kids to love the outdoors and love the simplicity of life.

I have family that would raise my children with dignity and class and make sure that they get an education.

I have family that would forever be there for my kids.

My mother has been my saving grace the past week and I am shocked at my mother's level of sacrifice for me....AND I cannot forget to mention Nick who has been my cheerleader throughout all of this. He has told me to be upbeat and positive...that God would not have brought us together to separate us so quickly. I so dearly love this man for who he is.

So...I will rejoice and go to my next appointment with Dr. Conlon on Friday with a smile and renewed sense of being...but first I will celebrate my 35th birthday on Thursday...surrounded by family!!

I guess I need to make a little time for me...to find what life has in store, to realize my dreams, what my priorities are for my family, myself. Don't get me wrong...I am happy! My children are healthy and Nick is a good man that has given so much to my life.

After Ethan's birth I suffered from blood clots...clots that took quite a toll on me. I spent a week in the hospital right after Ethan was born. I have been on blood thinners for over a year now and I am tired of taking them. Last week, at my doctor's appointment, I was told that I needed to get back on them...kind of stopped taking them myself about a month ago. He was not thrilled with me, to put it lightly. I did some blood work a few weeks ago and I guess something has gotten his attention.

He has referred me to an oncologist at Methodist Cancer Center. He specializes in hematology...blood issues. At the time that I made my appointment, which is on Friday, I had no idea that Dr. Conlon was an oncologist. What a shock to learn that I would be visiting a cancer doc?!?!?

I can't stop looking at the clock...Friday is a light year away, it seems. I know that I will be fine...I am a fighter no matter what the situation. I have never backed down from an argument and I am stubborn. I will conquer any mountain that lies in front of me. I just have to get through Tuesday...and Wednesday...and Thursday.

Two Peas In A Pod

Gee...I wonder where he gets his attitude from?????

It was a shoot 'em up weekend!

Nick and I finally had a weekend to ourselves to do some catching up. We had lunch with Pam and Cindy at TwoRows down in West U. and they took the kids after lunch.

Nick and I headed to American Shooting Centers to shoot guns and just chill out. It has been a long time since I have shot a gun. It was good to get out and decompress and we both certainly enjoyed this time together. We decided that this is something that we would like to continue to do together. I'm glad we have found a hobby we can both enjoy...blogging and scrapbooking were not high on Nick's list of potentials.

Saturday evening we went to see "Wanted"...awesome movie. Great butt shot of Angelina Jolie....hate her! Sunday we just hung out all day at the house...napping and spending cozy time together...these moments are so precious. We truly needed the time together to reconnect.

You know, I can't say all of this without giving a shout out to our family. Em and Ethan have the most wonderful grandmas! Pam, Cindy and my mom are always willing to help out. They love the kids and I couldn't ask for more loving people to be a part of my kid's lives. Between the grandmas and Heather and Brent, Nick and I are confident that our children are growing up loved and cherished by everyone around them. Smooches and Hugs to all!!

The week in review..and it's only WEDNESDAY!

So, Father's Day came and went quietly as we spent the day with G-Pa and family. It was nice to see everyone, but a quick reminder that our weekends pass way too fast. Saturday I picked up Em from Kingwood...she was there the entire week and had a blast with her Aunt Heather, Uncle Brent and her cousins. The time away did her good!! I had to zip in and out of Kingwood and that bothers me as they love to see Ethan and we just could not stay.

Nick and I have had little time to spend together these days and it is really wearing on our relationship. We don't confide in each other as much as we used to and it is very trying some days. We both have been through so much in the past couple of years...more than some couples that are married for 10 years. Between having a baby, financial stresses and just life in general, we have put our "couple relationship" on the back burner. We have vowed to work through our issues as we both know that we want to be here to raise our family together and we both realize that we do truly love each other. I will place my faith in God that He will show us the path to a strong and healthy relationship.

On the lighter side, Em was home long enough to wash her clothes and she headed back to Kingwood to volunteer with Heather for vacation bible school. I spoke with her last night and she seemed to be having a great time. Young children flock to her...little boys love her. She is so pretty, I think they can't help but just croon over her!

As for myself, I was promoted to Production Coordinator on Tuesday. I have been wth my company for about 2 months and when this opportunity came up, I decided to throw my hat into the ring. My boss has put alot of trust into me and I am thrilled to be given this chance to really prove myself. I am very excited at learning more about the industry and the challenges this new position will bring...the raise in pay didn't hurt, either!

With the good news flowing on Tuesday, things seemed to be in an upswing...throw the ratchet into my plans here! After work I headed to O'reilly's to get something for my car. It had just started raining and bam!! Landed on my back and wrist. I am barely able to move today and my wrist is bruised and swollen.

I would like to say that I slept peacefully after taking all the painkillers I did, but it was not to be. At 2:40AM, I was awakened by the sound of someone banging on the door and ringing my doorbell incessantly. I thought it was Nick and that he had forgotten his key. I was met by a young girl screaming for help...so not making this up! I could write a book somedays. She was crying and saying that "they were following her". Great! She was pleading for me to open the door (ain't gonna happen) before they kill her. I called 911 and SLPD was johnny on the spot in just a few minutes. Needless to say, she was not cooperative with the police...can you say doobie.... and I don't mean the brothers. We have got to move...anyhow, police escorted her away a half hour later. I am positive that she's sitting somewhere right now talking to a pink elephant.

With a garlic necklace around my neck and a rabbit foot in my pocket , I am off to tackle Wednesday and try to make it to the weekend. Wish me luck...I'm going to need it!

Cleanliness is next to Godliness

Is that how the phrase goes? Well, if that's the case...we are in trouble! The great outdoors is hardly great for me. I don't really enjoy being outdoors. Let me clear the air...it's okay, but my preference is to be curled up on a couch reading a book or something. Ok...I know...calling all nerds!

As life would have it, I have 2 children who love to be outside. Although Em loves to be outside, there is usually water involved. She's not really a camping, hands in the dirt kind of kid. Easy-peasy up until this point...a girl who loves to shop, loves make-up and hair stuff.

However, Ethan is ALL boy! If there dirt, he will find it. Don't leave your shoes around, he will chew them up like he's the new puppy...gross! Anything he can find, he puts in his mouth.
Thank goodness for his Nene Pam and Nana Cindy. At their house, he is allowed to be full-on boy. Dirt is no problem and he is allowed to basically roll around in the mud if he likes or empty a box of cereal in the middle of the living room....

Why is this world so filled with hate? Why are so many out there wanting to cause harm to others? I have so many questions, so many unanswered questions.

My heart is broken and I have cried so much. I don't know how to be strong yet don't want my loved ones to see my weakness so I cry...in my car, at my desk, driving down the road.

My rage is overwhelming, but my fear is strangely all consuming. Unfortunately, we will succumb to the fear and run. How do I explain running? Are we not taught to face our fears...to never let anyone intimidate us? How do I teach this lesson now when running is what seems to be the best thing to do?

I pray for healing, for the ability to let go of the rage and for a better tomorrow. A lotus flower grows in mud. The thicker and deeper the mud, the more beautiful the lotus flower will be....she will be a beautiful lotus again one day.

A shot of B12

is just what I needed today. I am back at work...and really like my new job. It is 10 minutes from the house and with gas prices going the way of college tuition prices, that is fine with me. I have a really calm environment and great coworkers so going to work is cake....for now...check back with me in a couple of months when the quarter comes to an end.


What a crazy weekend it was....Nick has pink eye which lead us to the ER on Sunday morning. Pink eye for the ER, you ask?? Yes, one of the worst cases I have ever seen. His eye started bleeding...this is the point where he FINALLY found it serious enough to get medical attention. I, on the other hand, seek medical advice when suffering from a papercut...they can really hurt. He is feeling better, but if I catch pink eye...hell hath no fury, blah blah blah. Now Heather has called and Brent has pink eye....in both eyes....eeewwww.


So, Nick and I sat down last night and discussed our house hunt...which has been fruitless up to this point. We are trying to decide if Kingwood is really the best choice for us as my new job is pretty promising. He threw out some suggestions like Pearland and Clear Lake. I don't know if either of those are for me....I just cannot picture myself living in Pearland (no offense, but I have never spent a day in Pearland so I don't know much about it). I love where we are now...the community, the location and everything is so convenient. I guess only time will tell where we are meant to raise our family. We will have to keep the faith that everything pans out in terms of buying a house and finding our fit!

The neighborhood pool opened this weekend and Emmeline was one of its first customers this year. The pool opened Saturday at 9am and she was there promptly at 10:55am. We didn't see her for the rest of the day...other than the occassional snack to refuel, she was a pool bum all day. Ethan tried to figure out her comings and goings but to no avail. He misses her so much when she's at school or out doing her thing. He just giggles and screams when she returns...they are too cute to watch!

Hopefully this week will be calm. I am trying to get to my Jazzercise class 3 times this week. I was told to keep a notebook of what I am eating...afraid to do that and see what I really put into my mouth all day long. I have tried to be good. In the evening when my sweet tooth kicks in, I reach for vanilla yogurt and Kashi cereal. My 35th birthday is quickly approaching and I have to shed some pounds. Tryin to be a hottie by the end of the year is really hard work! It's even harder when you want to shove a handful of Dove chocolates down your throat all the time.